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Overview of Course Introductory Session Family and Values Diversity Individual Counseling 1 Individual Counseling 2 Groups Credits |
Objectives: To learn the skill of I Messages and the concept of problem ownership.
OUTLINE AND APPROXIMATE TIME LINE:
ACTIVITIES DIRECTIONS:II. Challenge Reports Process Questions:
Back To Outline III. Warm Up - Using Feelings Words Ask each person to write down one word which best describes how she is feeling. Divide the group in half and present them with some silly object (dirty ripped sneaker, dead plant, outdated calendar, etc.). Each group must devise a sales pitch for the object using all of their feeling words. Each word must be used in a different sentence. Back To Outline IV. Review Feelings, Open Ended Questions and Active Listening Each person takes a feeling card. One at a time the participants say "The last time I felt this way was when . . ." (they may not use the feeling word). Through the use of open ended questions and active listening, the group must guess the feeling on the card. Back To Outline V. I Messages Presentation Distribute the following I Messages Handout and review with the group. I messages are a way to confront a person’s behavior without attacking the person. They are used when someone’s behavior is making you uncomfortable or interfering with your wants, needs or rights. I messages are a nonjudgmental means of communicating that focus on behavior. When you use an I message, you take responsibility for your feelings and avoid blame and defensiveness. You also allow for the possibility that others have a difference of opinion. The basic elements of an I Message are: I feel . . . When you . . . Because . . . Before you use an I Message to confront someone with a difficult topic, think about: 1. When to do it. Pick a time when there will be no other distractions or pressures. 2. How to do it. Use "I" statements. Don’t use "why" or interrupt when the other person is speaking. it is important to listen to what the other person has to say, Because most people have different values and perspectives, it is important to speak with "I" statements rather that generalities. 3. Know what you want to say and what you want to happen as a result of your confrontation. Practice, if you need to, before you talk with the person. Be very clear about how you feel and exactly what points you want to get across 4. Be willing to reach a mutually acceptable solution and to work to make it happen. 5. Understand that people do not always act rationally and fairly and that you cannot change them. Activity
1. You are working in a Day Care Center. Your co-worker has left early three times this week with vague excuses. When he leaves early, you have to do all the paper work and you do not feel this is fair. Think of a time and place where you will confront this person and how you will do it. 2. You are a very neat person and you are living with someone who never seems to pick up after herself. You enjoy this person’s company and aside from this messy habit you would like to continue the living arrangement. Think of a time and place where you will confront this person and how you will do it 3. A colleague has been telling jokes which put other races and cultures in a bad light. You are uncomfortable with this but you have not said anything because she seems to be very popular and everyone else laughs at the jokes Think of a time and place where you will confront this person and how you will do it Back To Outline VII. Problem Ownership Explain the need to determine who owns the problem to determine whether to use Active Listening or I Messages. If someone else’s behavior is bothering you in some way - you own the problem and would use an I Message to confront it. If someone else has a problem - use Active Listening to talk with them about it. Examples:
Distribute the Problem Ownership Worksheet (below). Ask each person to think of either their work, school or home situation and write down 3 examples for each category.(other person’s problem, own problem or no problem) Have everyone write their examples on the board or newsprint Discuss differences and similarities - some behaviors may appear in more than one category Practice Ask for volunteers to pick a behavior from the "My Problem" or "Other Person’s Problem" categories and role play I Messages or Active Listening. Another volunteer acts as the "counselee" or "confrontee". Continue until everyone who wants to participate has had a chance
Back To Outline VIII. Active Listening vs I Messages
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? For each of the situations below decide what you think would be the most appropriate response. First decide who owns the problem or if there is a problem. Check the AL (Active Listening) or IM (I Message) box or if there is no problem leave them blank.
Back To Outline IX. Assign Challenge Challenge: Use an I Message to confront someone about an aspect of their behavior that affects you. Before confronting that person review all the steps in the handout. What I Did and the Other Person's Response: How I Felt: What I Learned: Back To Outline |
