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Bad things started when i was only 12 yrs old.
My parents were arguing more, my older brother moved out and i had no protection or support from any one. I started smoking marijauana on a social basis with two of my best friends.
I started yr seven a very nervous person but i meet new friends and settled in.
I had a big group of friends, there were seven of us. We did lots of things after school, weekends,holidays.
I started becoming really sick and couldnt really be bothered doing to much on the weekends so i just stayed at home with my weed.
My friends started to become very distant and they started to hate me.
I couldnt put up with the fact that i had no friends so i left schools to make new friends and start new.
I had alot of frinds but more enamies.
Everyday i would come to school and they would pick on me for being too skinney and slower then most.
I left school at the start of yr 9, which was the biggest mistake ever. I soon found out i was really sick with Graves disease (thyroid funtion problem)
I was now 14 yrs old and i meet different people all together.
Kids that were on drugs, kids that had no homes,kids that were bgeing abused so they couldnt go home,kids that were in and out of jail, kids that were really nasty.
I meet some people and soon became friends with them, i was introduced to speed and lernt how to party.
One unforgetable night me and my best friend went to a party, got drunk and took some speed.
My friend went out to score some more speed and left me with a few of her friends.
I meet a really nice sweet sensitive guy, he asked if i wanted to go into the bedroom were it was quiet and talk and get to know each other.
He started getting really close touching my hair and telling me how beautiful i was.
I was starting to get scared at this stage and told him we should go back out and find my friends.
He said no he had other plans, he then grabbed and went to kiss me but i didnt want to, i pushed him away and said i wanted to go, i got up to leave and he grabbed me and pushed me on the bed.
He removed my clothes and raped me.
I WAS ONLY A KID.
He left, and i put my clothes on and ran out to my friends.
He was gon no one knew him he was never to be seen again.
I was to scared to tell my mom and dad because they would have found out what else i was up to that night.
2 yrs past and i told no one i never forgot about it but i was sure never to trust another guy again.
I meet a guy named stewart, he was 2yrs older than me and he was cute funny and really nice.
one of my friends introduced me to him so i thought i could trust him, my friend wouldnt do anything to hurt me.
I went out with him for a yr and i lost my virginity(willingly this time) to him and we had great fun together.
I thought we would be together forever but he had other plans.
I was on holidays and recieved a phone call from a girl called sarah, she was claiming to be stewarts girlfriend and she had found out about me.
I was really confused so i asked my friend and asked her if she knew anything about it and she said they had broken up and she was a physco like that, so i left it.
I then recieved anothjer call from her saying she was pregnant. I confronted stewart this time, he told me i was being stupid and that he would never lie.
I felt as though he was lying seeing though iv been betrayed by a man before, so i listened to my gut and rung her and spoke to her she then gave me 5 other numbers all of girls he was cheating on me with.
Me and sarah made a friendship and both broke it off with him.
Well there you go again betrayed by a man all because he was horny.
I decided to go to tafe and do yr 10.
On my last day i walked there to get my results, i meet a girl called aaliah, she was the same age as me and we had everything in common.
We always stayed at each others house and one night we went out with Stewart(yes stewart).
We had a plan to play with his head and heart just like he did with me.
We went to get some maccas with him and while we were they we went and asked a few guys if they had any speed.
Thet did and they asked us if we just wanted to go with them and have a good night, so we did, and we just left Stewart there wondering were we got to.
We had a really good night out and we went back to there place.
Aaliah went for a drive with dean the guy she hooked up with for the nigjht and i was left with David at his place.
We went into Davids room and we just talked he then asked me if i wanted a drink.
He came back with a glass of coke, i drunk it but it tasted abit funny.
I then started to feel really weak and sick.
To cut a long story short David drugged me with herion, raped me and held me against my will at his place.
I finaly got away and went straight to the police he was thrown into jail and iv never seen him or heard of him since.
While all that was happening my so called friend was up at her sisters living it up.
I went and found her and told her that i was not happy and she apoligised and took me to queensland, mind you we had no money but plenty of drugs.
We hitch hiked up there and got there in 3 days we stayed there for a couple of weeks and decided to come home.
I had meet another guy, Kristian, and he worked with my dad, so i knew him for a while and i had a secret crush on him since i was 12.
We went out a few times and we were getting really close, so close i thought we were going to end up together.
I introduced Aaliah to Kristian and they seem to like each other and get along , so i invited her out with us more ofter.(BIG MISTAKE)
I soon found out Kristian didnt want me because i was on drugs pretty heavy and he didnt think i would get off them, so he decided to be with my so called best friend AALIAH.
I was so hurt i could never trust anyone AGAIN.
I got into the drugs more heavy and i just ruined my life more.
I finally decided drugs were bad and i tryed to get off them.
I moved in with a guy called Danny and his son Jayden.
I was given a job as a live in nanny and the chance to prove myself and get off the drugs.
Those 3 months that i was there i had a really hard time getting off drugs but to make things worse Danny was mean and he use to say things that hurt me.
After about 2 weeks of me being there he took me out one night to have a few drinks and relax he got really drunk and made me drive home half pissed.(mind you i didnt have a lisence)
We got home and he let me sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch.
By the morning he had come into the bed which didnt bother me too much because i thought he was sleeping, i got up and got a drink and came back to bed to watch tv, he was awake and he forced me to do things i didnt want, i tried to leave but i was scared.
For the whole 3 months i was there he rapped me every night and i couldnt do anything i was petrified.
Last couple of weeks i was there i started feeling sick(i thought it was my thyroid)
It was good friday and my family had a bbq on so i went there for the day.
My granny sat down next to me while i was reading a baby name book and she just whispered to "are you pregnant non"
I looked at her with a funny face and said no way.
Later that night i worried abit and decided to take a pregnancy test at home.
sure as hell i was pregnant.
I rung my mum straight away and stayed the night at her place to talk about what i was going to do.
she suggested i tell Danny immedatly so i did,
he told me he would be there for me and the baby and he didnt mind me moving back in with my mum.
I have now had my daughter, Bonni-jean and i have not heard anything from him since, which doesnt bother me any way.
I have since found an amazing guy who treats me wonderfully.
I am finally living a happy life but im still in alot of pain from my experiences and everyday i think about it and want to end the pain.
I still dont trust guys i dont even trust friends any more but i am trying.
I am now doing my vce and going to be studying youth work to help young people to let them know there is sopmething worth living for.
I just hope one day ill feel no more pain.